Confused

I'm thinking that love can't do much anymore. I am currently married and my husband see's no reason to stay married. May 28th 2009 will mark our 5 year anniversary. I've not been able to hold a job through our entire marriage and in this have been unable to get us out of his parents house and into our own home. Now we have a 16 month old daughter and a soon to be divorce on our hands. He's been cold for years. I wonder if he only married me thinking I would be able to get him out of his fathers house. He has seven children he pays child support for and doesn't get much of a pay check. I knew this when I married him and I thought money doesn't matter, love will carry us through this. However I was so stuck on him I didn't think correctly. If I didn't get what I wanted at a job I would quit. Now I'm wishing I would have kept at least one of the better paying jobs. I feel like a disappointment. But I can't help thinking how selfish he has been. We were married May 28th 2004, January 2005 he told me he wanted to separate because he wanted to be involved with someone else. The entire time he was with this other woman he told me to stay at his house and I did... Like a fool. In March of 2005 he left her and came back to me, again I'm a fool for taking him back, he never even apologized. I was so brainwashed, and the messed up thing is is that I left myself be brainwashed. I was so madly in love with him (now I know I was only in love with the experiences I had with him). I held on, and everyday he became colder and colder. We used to be like best friends, we could talk about anything. I enjoyed that. Now however if we don't have sex for a week I have to ask him and he talks to me like that subject is unavailable. I'm 25 and I have needs. He calls me selfish when I ask. Whatever. When I ask him what he is doing he tells me not to ask him any questions. I don't feel anything for him anymore but something deep inside wants to keep a hold of him, I'm just not sure for what. I'm so confused. On one hand I want to cry, but on the other I am relieved that the misery is almost over. You know the picture books that you keep in your wallet, well I accidentally washed mine the other day in the laundry. Out of 10 pictures only 1 was ruined and it was the one of me and my husband during our happiest times together. I'm not very superstitious but this kinda gets me, the next day is when he wanted the marriage to end. I can't miss something that I have been missing for years now. For example, I miss his body holding mine, but its been years since he has willingly gotten close to me unless it was for sex. Also kisses, over the past few years I have had major dental issues and I wouldn't even want to open mouth kiss me but a little I would like, he doesn't do that anymore. What are marriage vows for anyways. His vows should have been "for better or better, for richer or richer and for health and health". God I feel so worthless even though my brain says I'm not. I'm working on a bachelors in Accounting right now. I won't graduate until 2013. I'll be 30 years old then. My husband is 39 so I can understand his frustration with his life but I don't know how to fix it. The economy is bad right now and finding a job is almost impossible. I just wish I would have had my shit together a long time ago, maybe this wouldn't be happening right now. Sometimes I wonder if we had our own place would he be the guy I loved or the asshole I married to. I wonder would he treat me better for us getting our own place. I'm tired. I'll create a new blog later.